Jim: is a slender, mature, man of the world whose ideas on relationships have been refined by years of experience in the romantic trenches, where he learned to manage long and short term polyamorous situations. He radiates a vitality, a ready for anything quality evident in his pxyish smile and a curly moustache indicative of his sense of humor. From the midwest, married once, formerly a professor of economics, he is a recovered alcoholic ever on the lookout for a new challenge.

Bella: What are your views on monogamy?

Jim: I've done it for short times. When I was young out of necessity. Not too interesting or fun. not love sex not love, A few years ago I tried it to please the woman I loved. it's possible, even desirable for me to love many people. Loving one woman does not take love from another. The more women, the more intensity.

Bella: How do women react to this "share the wealth" philosophy?

Jim Pretty well generally. Love expands, the more you give out the more you get back. Women respond because they know I care for them and will not back away. I adore people for their particular qualities and don't make comparisons.

Bella: Tell me your secret for a successful polyamorous love life?

Jim: What cones round goes round. No particular paradigm to follow. I don't micro-manage, although I play a strong role in my relationships. No one is forced to do anything or be there on any particular night. Think of a spider web, rings of involvement, close to the center is the nucleus, the woman I am closest to. As the ring moves outward, the ties are more casual and I see the woman less often and they have less responsibility. Could be every couple of weeks or once a month. From tight to casual. The closer a woman moves to the center, the more she is involved-- spines or nodes of commitment At one point I visualized the love life I wanted to lead and worked hard to achieve it. Now its here. Also women know I'm not going anywhere, I'm steady and intuitive, a quality I worked hard to develop. I'm able to live in the now and compartmentalize.

Bella: Is jealousy a problem?

Jim: Jealously's not really an issue. I don't make comparisons between people, each is valid and important in her sphere. I resolve problems by reason and discussion. The point is to get away from the competitive model which is destructive in so many families. If one wins, the others lose. It's not about winners. Women know each other to various degrees and they accept the compromises involved. I don't label people or put them in little boxes.

Bella: What do you consider the biggest problem in being polyamorous?

Jim: Time management! In new york schedules are so full, that it's hard to see enough of the people you love. I make a real effort to stay in touch and not short change anybody, although it sometimes erodes my relationships. Sometimes I put aside day for a person but the thing usually flows. I keep a calendar in my head.

Bella: What contribution do you make to the lives and well being of the women you are involved with?

Jim: I consider myself an enabler, a person who makes it possible for women to do what they always wanted to do but were afraid to walk that path. Sometimes its a sexual experiment or something else. I tell them don't depend on men , me included, to make your life, worthwhile. Follow your own muse.

Bella: Tell me you opinion of long term versus short term relationships.

Jim: Society can graft a very judgmental agenda on us by saying long term relationships are better than short term ones. I don't measure love by the yardstick of society. No one can use the long term cudgel on me; women have said, let's not end the relationship, we must work it out. All kinds of restrictions are imposed in the interests of longevity. People foolishly sacrifice quality for quantity. Short term can be really intense, often more worthwhile than long ones.

Bella: So you like the chase, the stimulation of meeting new people (eg. women).

Jim : Sure do, it's wonderful to find out about a person, share their life even briefly. The quest, keeps me young. Everybody has a different idea of love, and many women move away from you for different reasons. I encourage women to follow their muse, The quest comes in many forms. A few months ago I took off for Alaska but headed back after the World Trade Center disaster. I sometimes travel for months on my own for fun. I'm usually celibate during these journeys which have taken me all over the world.